I cannot fathom why there are people in this world who are out to hurt others. I cannot wrap my mind or attempt to understand what gives the person the gall, the urge, to hurt someone. I have seen so much unneeded pain in my lifetime, both physical and mental that was beyond avoidable.
People in general are so lost.
What makes a person want to hurt someone? Do they feel like it makes their blood pump faster knowing the other person is in pain and they are not? Are they so caught up in their own life that they cannot even fathom that they are causing other people pain?
I guess it's a good thing I cannot relate, it probably speaks volumes about my own personality. I'm attempting to vent here, based on a bunch of recent events against some female friends of mine, it's becoming increasingly difficult to hold back my anger and not just destroy everything. I'm a very calculated person, it would be in everyone's best interest not to betray me. Even then, I've been betrayed many times in the past, and I have done nothing to seek revenge. I have eventually let go of the pain, and the anger that was inside of me, and forgiven the other person(s). Being the opposite of hot-headed allows me to think through things that people would normally just jump and react to. This is definitely one of my strong suits. It's easier for me to forgive and never forget about things directed at me, because I know I'm the better person. It's harder for me to accept that people I know, gentle, kind, genuine people, are being taken advantage of, or are being hurt intentionally by others. It's even more difficult to accept that there's nothing I can do about it.
What does anger prove? It proves that I'm able to feel a strong set of emotions, that make my fists clench and my mind race, it proves that I'm able to feel the Yang to my peaceful calm Yin. It helps me understand myself better each time I get angry, wondering what it was that allowed me to get this way. I'm not perfect, and I most certainly have had anger problems most of my early life, but it seems now it takes a whole lot to make me angry. I think it's because I realize that this lie is short, and the stress that I'm putting on my body with anger and pain, is only slowly killing me. There are certain kinds of anger, that I use for energy and I hang onto. That good anger, that motivation to succeed and not give up, that's a kind I'll live with. It's not all bad, but most of it is...
So why does evil exist? I often find myself saying that you cannot have good without the bad, you cannot have yin without the yang. It would be foolish of me not to accept my own advice, that I've given to countless friends on countless occasions. So here's me trying to accept that evil exists only so we can appreciate the good in the world. Yup, I tried, I refuse to accept it. I think we can learn from the few evil people and allow history to tell us the rest. I'm so sick of feeling anger and hatred towards people I don't even know. It's easy to do though, especially when the people you don't know are hurting the people you know and care about. It's easy to misplace feelings and allow yourself to be consumed with the negativity that anger brings. It's difficult though, to accept myself angry. I don't want to be that kind of person, and I don't want to embrace those feelings. But I can't help but want very much for karma to do it's job and take people who don't deserve this air they are breathing, and take it away from them.
I have many reasons in this world to hate, or to feel angry. I choose not to because I don't like what it does to me. I choose not to be angry. So why can't others choose this way too? What's the motivation to hurt others? You're ruining good people all for the sole purpose of achieving your own goals. You're no better than the rest of the scum on this planet, trying to take advantage of the weaker person for your own gains. You deserve to be strung up, and pulled from 4 different directions by 4 horses, while being spit on by everyone in the city. If I were to ever change my passive ways, and subject myself to being an aggressive person, I would surely not be bored or without purpose..
But I digress. Life is too short for the what-if's and the misery. Life is too short to allow one bad seed to ruin an entire orchard of hope and love. I'm not a bundle of kittens in terms of personality, I definitely get pissed off. I just try to be conscious of my attitude and how my actions can affect others. This world has enough hate, greed, and misery in it, I do my best not to add to it. You should too.
So my ending thoughts are this: Don't be lost. Don't be so caught up in your "life-situation" that you're refusing to see how your actions are affecting others. There are a lot of people out there who will help shape this world for the better, and everytime they get shit on and they get betrayed, it's one step closer from this world not having anyone left to give a fuck about it and the people on it. What happens when nobody gives a shit? What happens when there's not a soul left who has peace enough to effect others positively? How long do you think we'll last as a civilization? As a member of the human race, this thought makes me realize how easily we could become extinct.
