Shadows of the past

On Friday a shadow -which I have not even thought about- was seen. It's like a groundhog coming out when nobody was looking. The shadow was only seen by a select few, who didn't like the shape of the shadow. They looked at it, and then proceeded to cast me aside as if the shadow had predicted some unseen future of catastrophic events. In the old days we'd look at this as some superstition or some lack of reasoning. I could go on and on about our historic failures based on not enough information, we've seen many things in our history of man based on rash decisions.

You would think a business in this day would be different. You'd think that, wouldn't you? I did. I was naive to think that a large organization would at least give me a chance to speak for myself, to talk to me about things.

If you have not caught it so far in this message, basically I got fired due to my background. The same background which landed me in jail for some time, and cost me nearly 8000$ total, a felony on my record, the same shadow which seems to never fade no matter how many sunsets come and go, it's the same thing that's so far in my past, I don't even remember people's names. Drugs, it was all over drugs. We're all young, adventurous, and quite naive about life at our earlier years. For me it was a bit more extreme than others I thought I was smarter than everyone. I was wrong. But I found out very quickly that I couldn't rely on so-called friends, girlfriends, or family to pick me up out of this giant crater that I formed in my own life, I had to do it myself. And this is what I've done.

It's been nearly 6 years since my 20th birthday, which I celebrated in a cell. I do not think I'll ever forget that, and I can surely tell you I don't think about it much. It's only when events happen that require me to explain "my record", or if I feel like telling my life story will somehow help motivate someone close to me. I'll go into detail again for their sake.

Over 5 years have passed, and I look at the 3.5 years of amazing IT career and 18 months of college where I got my associates graduating with honors, and I feel accomplished. I am not content with where I am in my career, and it makes it challenging. How do I continue to learn, grow, thrive, and excel if not given the opportunity to do so? I'll tell you how, find someone who will give me that opportunity.


As I digress, my anger seems to be at peak, my anger for which people judge me without even hearing their peers, without listening to my words, without even recognizing me as nothing more than a name, a number, a sheep. I will not be a sheep. I will not allow myself to become one of those people. See my value, or I'll move on to someone who will. Life is too short to spend the majority of my time working for someone who isn't going to appreciate me. Luckily I had a lot of appreciation for most of the last year or so, it's a shame that only recently that had to change.

I'm highly qualified, I'm highly skilled, I have an inept ability to thrive, and learn almost anything. It's rare that I am not able to figure something out, commit it to memory, compare it with logic to understand it and move on. I'm a very organized, fast paced, high energy person who thrives on his accomplishments and is enthralled by challenges. It's this type of environment that I need. It's this type of environment that I am now seeking. I can look at things from many perspectives, find the best solution, and plan a way to implement the solution with minimal impact on business productivity. These skills alone should be highly valued, as I do not see many people like me in the various jobs I have been. There is only one me, I have been through way too much in this life to look back, get down about this, or give up. I will succeed, I will make something of myself, and I will give back to this world. I will keep all of these thoughts in my head, these recent - more positive - thoughts over the next few weeks while I get back to job searching. I will keep remembering that not every company is full of capitalist ignorance, some will actually care about the single employee who manages their entire infrastructure.

I'm just trying to figure out how to do all of that and still maintain some semblance of good health. I'm working on that though....Now to find a better career opportunity now.

Thanks for reading my rant. I do actually feel better this time, not just words on the screen.